First Time for Everything
Reiner’s last words hit Bertholdt like a blow to the heart. Could Reiner really just throw away a lifetime of friendship - just like that? really? Bertholdt’s fingers tightened into fists and his cheeks flushed red with pain, and hurt. If— if Reiner was gonna play it that way then - the Bertholdt wouldn’t let him see how much that hurt, he refused.
"I don’t know, Reiner," he hissed through clenched teeth, "Why are we?" He blinks back the tears that he knows are coming, he cries so goddamn easily but not now, please not now, when it is so important that Reiner not see how his heart is being ripped in two — “MAybe we’d be better off with— without each other,” he grinds out, and damn that stutter, that goddamn stutter, because it showed that he was affected by this and he didn’t want Reiner to know, he was so angry, and heartbroken, and why did this have to happen anyway? Bertholdt was shaking in pain and anger, with the effort of holding back sobs and resisting the urge to punch a wall - it hurt so much that Reiner had said it so easily - why are we even friends - Well, if it was so easy for them to say, why were they?
Annie walked home at a brisk pace, careful to check the time. They were already there, and they were alone. And given resent heightened tensions that wouldn’t be a good thing. No, it wouldn’t be a good thing at all. If only either of them had the brains to just tell the other the truth, tell them how they feel, they wouldn’t be in this mess. Yet here they were.
and being in a trio meant Annie had to be in the middle of it whether she wanted to or not. Sandwiched in between their ever growing sexual tension until the moment it explodes in both of their painfully oblivious faces. Which of course was exactly what was waiting for her the moment she opened her front door, just hearing the last part of Bertholdt’s words.
She stood there a moment, accessing the situation she almost wished she never walked into. On either side of her were her two best friends, glaring icy daggers at each other, only just acknowledging her, and looking like one would pounce at any moment. Or breakdown in tears. …Are you kidding me right now?
"I left you two alone for ten minutes tops, what the hell." No time to think, this situation had to be defused. For their sake, and honestly for her own. At that point she’d listened to them vent to her about it so many times, heard them make so many increasingly passive aggressive comments about the other that they didn’t mean, she had just about had it. She grabbed Bertl by the ear bringing him down to her height and kicked Reiner in the back of the knee just enough to make him lose his balance and grabbed his ankle.
"If you’re going to act like a bunch of two year old’s, so be it. Have fun in time out." She dragged them to the supply closet outside her kitchen, ignoring their protests, and kicked open the door, pushing them in. "This is for your own good. Now try ironing this out like the adults you actually are." She said as she closed the door, and locked it.
"Wh - Annie!" Reiner shouted roughly untangling his limbs from Bertholdt’s and moving to bang on the door. "Annie let us out!" Let me out. I can’t be trapped in a fucking closet let alone with Bertholdt.
He could feel the uncomfortable tightness of fear squeeze his chest as he realized Annie wasn’t going to be letting them out anytime soon. Chewing his lip he slowly sat back down, going so far as to sit in the furthest corner from Bertl as possible.
This had to be his own personal hell. Stuck in a cramped (aka terrifying) area with the boy he was in love with but unable to say anything because of fear and hopelessness. What did it matter if Bertholdt knew he was in love with him when he liked Annie? It didn’t.
Time passed very slowly in the dark as they sat stewing silently for the better part of an hour. Occasionally Reiner would open his mouth to say something and then snap it shut instead.
Bertholdt sat, fuming, pushing himself into the wall as if that would get him further away from Reiner. He rubbed sulkily at his sore ear and ruminated in his anger, practically steaming. How dare Reiner suggest such a thing, that they shouldn’t be friends. How — How fucking dare he—
‘You started it, getting mad at him like that’, the niggling voice of guilt Bertholdt had made itself known. ‘of course he lashed out. who wouldn’t? you put him on the spot, it’s all your fault’
Bertholdt growled and ignored the voice, but it didn’t stop him from glancing over at Reiner, and when he noticed the other boy’s trembling, and remembered his fear of enclosed spaces, of feeling trapped, he almost apologized right then and there. Almost. The vindictive part of Bertholdt stopped him, told him to let Reiner suffer, but what kind of friend would he be to do that?
you aren’t friends anymore.
Were they? Just like that, no longer even friends? Could Bertholdt really live like that? He took a deep, shuddering breath. no, no he couldn’t. Losing even his friendship with Reiner might possibly kill him, he was too far gone in his affections. Feeling sufficiently guilty, Bertholdt finally looks over at Reiner and scoots a few inches toward him, close enough to reach over and place a warm, tentative hand on Reiner’s shoulder.
"R—reiner? Reiner are you okay? I’m sorry, I— I was out of line I shouldn’t have, um, I shouldn’t have picked the fight, I just. I’ve been really on edge lately and—" Bertholdt bites his lip and looks down, cheeks red with shame, "and I guess I just used you to take out my frustration, I’m sorry, I was— I was really out of line. Will— will you be alright? I— I understand if you don’t want to, uh, talk to me…"
Anonymous asked: My parents are having trouble accepting that I'm transgender. What should I do?
"Okay, lemme let you on on something here. Parent’s aren’t gonna understand a lot of stuff, and that’s bound to happen. Parents aren’t your friends, they don’t understand a lot of things about you, they won’t completely understand how you work and they won’t understand your perception on a lot of things. But you know what? That’s gonna happen."
"You have to be expecting that kind of thing because they don’t know. They don’t know what you’re going through. They don’t know what it’s like to stand out side the toilets and have to be scared shitless of the possibility getting bashed within an inch of your life. They don’t know what it’s like to be seriously hurt when people throw around words like "she-male" and "transvestite" in every day speech. They don’t fucking know how it feels to have to see how ignorant and insensitive people can be because you apparently sound or look or act like ‘the opposite gender’"
"And that shit’s fucked, okay? No one in this day and age should have to put up with this. But it happens and we have to adapt. You learn to live with all this fucked up shit that gets thrown at you on a daily basis. And this is the cruelest and most fucked up shit, that you have to get used to being harassed and have insults and slurs thrown at our faces constantly and daily. Its horrible and unfair and fucked up in so many goddamn ways its not funny.
Now I don’t know your parents, grey-face, but they need to have trust in you that you know this is what’s right. Pull them up on comments that they make, make sure they use proper pronouns, make your home a safe place for you. Parents are supposed to be supportive and do the right thing by you. Talk to them, make them understand, talk them through the things they need to know. If, still, they aren’t taking it well, then fuck them. How dare they not support their child in the time where support and comfort and acceptance is needed most. How dare they treat their child in a way that damages them to the point where they don’t feel like they can even look at their parents without this goddamn fucking fear.”
"Please just know that you are not fucking alone in this. You are never alone. Please remember that."
Mun: ((Okay I cried when I replied to this because it really hit me hard and close to home, I recognise and understand the fact that because I identify somedays as female that I am in a more privileged position, but the shit I have gotten from ‘friends’ and my family on the days I identify as male, or even when I’m just wearing my binder is some of the most horrible and painful things to have to deal with on a day to day basis. I’ve been told to “get a sex change already” and to “start being a girl for once in your life, that’s what you are, arent you?” Please please please understand anon that there are people that are here to listen and to talk to you, and there are groups around that will support you and will help you with your parent issue. Google and check them out, because I guarantee they’d be 100% willing to help.))
Reasons why Heather is a perfect deity.
I will do the selfish thing again.
Anyway, can you please drop a message to my inbox?
I had really heavy day and I am afraid I will see nightmares again, but I can’t exactly force myself to stay awake at the moment, either.
I just want something nice when I wake up.
((please give Gitta some love, they are just about the nicest person in the world and I’ve never met anyone more deserving of kindness))
Someone’s probably in love with you right now, even though you think you’re boring and stupid and smell bad most of the time, someone probably saw you last week and wiped their sweaty hands on the insides of their pockets and thought about your body under your clothing and about how you would look asleep in their bed